Enough jokes to choke a silly weasel!

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

WOMEN BASHING JOKES…….

Q. Why did God give men penises ?
A. So we’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

If any of these describe you, you’re a redneck!

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouerve.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..

I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me. (Henny Youngman)

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife.

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver’s window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

Dear millionaires, if you dont have a bookshelf that spins into another room, give me your money because you’re spending it wrong.Sincerely.

Just got off the phone with my mate.

I heard you were looking for a STUD. Well i have the STD so all i need is U.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, get in the van.